Definition
Self-lying is the story you tell yourself to make a non-priority yes feel mandatory — especially when praise or engagement identity is on the line.
Origin
Cognitive and social psychology describe motivated reasoning and self-deception — maintaining a coherent self-story even when calendar evidence contradicts stated priorities. Tavris and Aronson document how people preserve identity after dissonant choices.
Mechanism
Calendar fills with pleasing work; the principal problem stays background. External validation (you are so engaged) reinforces the story until structured reflection or an external mirror returns priority. Von Hippel and Trivers argue self-deception may co-evolve with interpersonal deception — dissociating conscious intent from biased self-appraisal — a contested BBS framework (commentary debates whether the self can simultaneously deceive and be deceived).
Applications
Audit one week of yeses: which commitments were identity protection versus declared priority? Pair with Signal vs Noise when sorting inputs. Reach for Mistakes Were Made when memory and blame rewrite after the regretted choice.
Related doctrine
Sources
Cite
- Tavris, C., & Aronson, E. (2020). Mistakes were made (but not by me) (3rd ed.). Mariner Books
- von Hippel, W., & Trivers, R. (2011). The evolution and psychology of self-deception. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 34(1), 1–16